Don't mess with Engineers
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So they both gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
------------ --------- --------- ----------------
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
Away....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
------------ --------- --------- ----------------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE
ONE..
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA):
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the loc al to Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train....... ....
Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ramayana by Bill Gates.
LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya,there ruled a
PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great
sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an
OUTPUT of four SUNs--RAM, LSIman,BUG-rat and SED-
rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent
MEMORY. His brothers,however, were only PERIPHERAL
ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess
'C'ta. 12years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTAL
RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE
(Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat
for a life saving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity
at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real
plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be
INSTALLED and that RAM be BOOTED to the forest for 14
years. At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE
passed thru DOS-rat and, he collapsed,power-less. RAM
agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN
with him. LSI-man was also resolved on LOGGING IN with
his brother. The forest was the dwelling of
SPARCnakha,
the TRANSISTOR of RAW-van,PROCESSOR of LAN- ka.
Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he
marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to
be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to
kill her. Weeping,SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where
RAW-van, moved by TRANSISTOR's plight,approached his
uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the
form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into forest.
Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who,with
his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in
RAM's voice.Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND,'C'ta
urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the
opportunity,RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRAR and
changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.
------------------------------
INTERVAL
-----------------------------------------------------
------------------------------
RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing
'C'ta all over the forest. They made friendship with
the forest SYSTEM
ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor
Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM.SU-greev
ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful
'SEARCH'techniques to FIND themissing 'C'ta. His
PROGRAMMERS SEARCHED all around INTER-NETworked
forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals
not to forget the 'WEB CRAWLERS'(Insects) and tried to
SEEK'something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted
'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NO
FOUND'MESSAGES. Several other SEARCH techniques proved
useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and
used it to cross the seas at an
astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED
himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH,
HaNEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE.
Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify
himself to 'C'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta
believed in him and asked him to send a STATUS_OK
MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS
around 'C'ta captured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE
him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to
spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'.
Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from LAN- ka and
conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev.
RAW-wan decided to take the all powerful RAM head-on
and prepared for the battle.One of the RAW-wan's SUN
(son) almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful
brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X
gradients and REBOOTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the
SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and once for all wiped
out RAW-wan's presense on earth. After the battle, RAM
got INSTALLED in I/O- dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT
WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS
and every one lived happily everafter.
'C'ta all over the forest. They made friendship with
the forest SYSTEM
ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor
Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM.SU-greev
ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful
'SEARCH'techniques to FIND themissing 'C'ta. His
PROGRAMMERS SEARCHED all around INTER-NETworked
forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals
not to forget the 'WEB CRAWLERS'(Insects) and tried to
SEEK'something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted
'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NO
FOUND'MESSAGES. Several other SEARCH techniques proved
useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and
used it to cross the seas at an
astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED
himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH,
HaNEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE.
Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify
himself to 'C'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta
believed in him and asked him to send a STATUS_OK
MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS
around 'C'ta captured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE
him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to
spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'.
Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from LAN- ka and
conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev.
RAW-wan decided to take the all powerful RAM head-on
and prepared for the battle.One of the RAW-wan's SUN
(son) almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful
brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X
gradients and REBOOTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the
SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and once for all wiped
out RAW-wan's presense on earth. After the battle, RAM
got INSTALLED in I/O- dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT
WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS
and every one lived happily everafter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji's Lunch
The Suicide
Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall
building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third
is a
Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their
lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds
idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I
find idlis in the box tommorow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".
Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says If I
find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20! th floor
of
this building and die"
Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and
says"Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tommorow I am also going
to jump from the 20th floor"
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens
his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and
dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the
20th floor and dies. Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also
jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their
colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much.
If not I would have packed something else for his lunch" The Bengali's
widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have
packed
something else for his lunch"
The sardarji's widow says "I do not understand what went wrong. My husband
always prepared his own lunch!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Suicide
Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall
building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third
is a
Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their
lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds
idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I
find idlis in the box tommorow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".
Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says If I
find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20! th floor
of
this building and die"
Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and
says"Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tommorow I am also going
to jump from the 20th floor"
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens
his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and
dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the
20th floor and dies. Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also
jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their
colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much.
If not I would have packed something else for his lunch" The Bengali's
widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have
packed
something else for his lunch"
The sardarji's widow says "I do not understand what went wrong. My husband
always prepared his own lunch!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens if 1 rupee = 45 dollars
Scene 1
Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w engineers are seeing some photographs.
s/w engg 1 : What's that?
s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India .
s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Airport Road, bangalore
s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.
s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...
s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K..... Say it in dollars...
s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.
[Everybody excited.]
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 2
Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California, US
s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India
s/w engg 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?
s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.
s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?
s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in whitefield
s/w engg 2 : Oh! whitefield. Great yaar. where it is...
s/w engg 1 : It is in Bangalore.
s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California. You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in Jaipur, Rajasthan... He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.
s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?
s/w engg 1: You know bangalore Municipal Corporation?
s/w engg 3 : Yeah. BMC. One of my friends is there in the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.
s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.
s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?
s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.
s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.
[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 3
Venue: IBM, New York, US
(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)
Male : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing his Ph.D in Bharthi University and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in MSCB. We planned to settle in B'lore itself... I'm also planning to work there. Let's see...
Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 4
Venue: Intel Corp. US
s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the Manasa Gangothri College in Mysore with scholarship for B.A History. A great new field yaar...
All are excited...
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there?
s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.
s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.
s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! That means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy an three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ ------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 5
A foreigner working in Bangalore as Software Engg gets a call from his Home..
Father : What are you doing son ?
S/w Eng : Having breakfast ?
Father : what are you eating ?
S/w Eng: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread and roasted round ring
i.e. (Chutney and Idli and vada J
-----------------------------------------------------
Scene 1
Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w engineers are seeing some photographs.
s/w engg 1 : What's that?
s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India .
s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Airport Road, bangalore
s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.
s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...
s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K..... Say it in dollars...
s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.
[Everybody excited.]
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 2
Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California, US
s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India
s/w engg 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?
s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.
s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?
s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in whitefield
s/w engg 2 : Oh! whitefield. Great yaar. where it is...
s/w engg 1 : It is in Bangalore.
s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California. You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in Jaipur, Rajasthan... He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.
s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?
s/w engg 1: You know bangalore Municipal Corporation?
s/w engg 3 : Yeah. BMC. One of my friends is there in the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.
s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.
s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?
s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.
s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.
[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 3
Venue: IBM, New York, US
(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)
Male : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing his Ph.D in Bharthi University and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in MSCB. We planned to settle in B'lore itself... I'm also planning to work there. Let's see...
Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 4
Venue: Intel Corp. US
s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the Manasa Gangothri College in Mysore with scholarship for B.A History. A great new field yaar...
All are excited...
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there?
s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.
s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.
s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! That means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy an three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ ------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
SCENE 5
A foreigner working in Bangalore as Software Engg gets a call from his Home..
Father : What are you doing son ?
S/w Eng : Having breakfast ?
Father : what are you eating ?
S/w Eng: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread and roasted round ring
i.e. (Chutney and Idli and vada J
-----------------------------------------------------
Appinment Letter
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.A few days later he got this reply:
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks"
Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan
kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."
Everyone was delighted.Laloo Prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter
padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi
main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
We are sorry ....... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that ......... .aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ............. .aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ..... humko to
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.A few days later he got this reply:
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks"
Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan
kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."
Everyone was delighted.Laloo Prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter
padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi
main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
We are sorry ....... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that ......... .aapko yeh batana hai ki
You do not meet ............. .aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ..... humko to
Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.
shivji khush .
Prakat hue ...
bole ...
.
.
puttar maang ...
maang kya chahiye tujhey !
bakth utha ...
bole shivji ...
mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !
shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?
unhone kaha ... puttar ...
tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai ...
kuch bada maang !
.
.
.
.
wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do
shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ... !
par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !
shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ! ... bole
..yaar tu
kuch aur maang .. guitar
na maang ...
wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye ... ab
shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)
.
.
.
.
.
saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata :)
Son 2 Sardar: Papa 5 + 5 kitnay hote hein ?
Sardar: Ullu De Patehe
Gadhe
Idiot
Nalayak
Besharam
Tughay kuch nahi aata ja ander say CALCULATOR le k Aa
Sardar: Ullu De Patehe
Gadhe
Idiot
Nalayak
Besharam
Tughay kuch nahi aata ja ander say CALCULATOR le k Aa
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